


Happy Unhappy Birthday

by TheonSugden



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-24
Updated: 2015-08-24
Packaged: 2018-04-17 00:16:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4645311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheonSugden/pseuds/TheonSugden
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aaron runs the gamut of emotions for Robert's 29th birthday at the Woolpack, especially when Robert joins him upstairs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Happy Unhappy Birthday

Aaron stood at the back of the bar, leaning on one crutch, blending into the background. He’d gotten pretty good at it lately…when he wasn’t smashing prats on the head, anyway.

Today was Robert’s 29th, and he’d swept into the Woolpack with his usual fake modesty, wearing his “devoted brother” mask. Aaron knew it wasn’t entirely a lie, that nothing about Robert was an entire lie - that’s what made him so hard to give up. The hope that if you kept pulling off masks, you’d find the real him somewhere. 

When Robert got his free pub lunch vouchers from Vic and made a show of teasing her over how cheap she was, Aaron laughed along with the family, hoping they wouldn’t see him, cursing to himself when Robert did see him, sharing a small smile with him. Hating himself for how good that connection still made him feel, even after all Robert had done to him.

When Andy gave Robert a card he’d kept from Robert’s 14th,  _Andy, Mum, Dad_  written out in their mum’s hand,  _And Sarah And Jack_ added underneath in Sarah’s shaky hand, Robert started crying. Aaron felt his own eyes welling up, ashamed and disgusted by what Robert could do to him. Andy was barely even able to get up most mornings after what Aaron and Robert had taken from him. They shouldn’t even be breathing the same air as he was. But all Aaron wanted to do was hold Robert close, kiss his tears away, tell him everything would be alright.

He hobbled upstairs, stretching out to rest his ankle, scared to close his eyes with the nightmares he’d stayed up half the night to avoid, but too tired to fight back.

A soft arm around his waist woke him from a mercifully dreamless sleep.

“Today’s my birthday,” the equally soft voice kissed in his ear. “Where’s my present?”

Aaron sat up, noticing the mostly dark room, the closed door panicking him from the distracting comfort of Robert’s strong embrace.

“Mam’ll…” he started, cut off by the mouth suddenly attached to his, full lips kissing him silent and stupid just like always.

“She went on a shopping trip with ‘your Debs,’” Robert breathed when they parted for air. “Her own personal present to me, I suppose.”

“More like she can’t stand the sight o’ya…” Aaron pushed back, silently adding an,  _or me, these days_.

“Well, the feeling’s mutual. Anyway, where’s my present?”

Aaron rubbed his eyes, trying not to laugh in Robert’s face.

“Ego on ya. Barely gimme the time of day…can’t even do that, come to think of it…”

“It’s Rob’o’clock,” Robert smirked against his scruffy neck.

“Yeah, that’s a right help. Don’t remember you givin’ me any birthday presents.”

Robert huffed into his beard.

“I gave you quite a big present, as I recall.”

Aaron was glad the dark room hid his blush.

“Get that sweet arse under the bed and tell me what ya find.”

“Probably pizza cartons from last November.”

“Fuck off and do it.”

Robert, like Christmas morning, dove under, Aaron secretly hoping he’d hit his head. Instead, he emerged with a box, the blue color revealed when Aaron hit the bedside lamp.

“Open it,” Aaron pushed, wanting to get it over with, and dreading it all at the same time.

“You didn’t have to do this, Aaron,” Robert prefaced, half-bullshit, half-honest, not looking Aaron in the eye. “I just…I just wanted a few minutes with you on my birthday.”

“Save the sobs and just open it, alright?” Aaron finished, not as aggressively as he’d had in mind, not when he knew part of what Robert said was true.

Robert’s face lit up at the monstrosity before him - a dress shirt in various checked shades of yellow and gray, peppered with little cartoon frogs.

“They look like Frogger,” he said, smiling to himself, and to Aaron, at the old video game character.

“Cuz it is… _nerd_ ,” Aaron teased, happily accepting the kisses and hugs a happy Robert rained on him. 

When Robert pulled back, Aaron saw that Robert was truly happy, or the closest he’d seen Robert to being happy. Maybe he was kidding himself, maybe he just had to see whatever made him feel less like the bit on the side, but he’d never seen a fancy car or designer shoes make Robert’s eyes shine the way that hideous ebay shirt did.

“Do you want me to try it on?” Robert offered, beginning to shrug out of his ugly body warmer.

Aaron wanted nothing more, but…

“If you start strippin’ off, I’m not gonna let you put any of it back on.”

Robert nodded, sad, fading smile as he put the shirt into his small gift bag.

“I probably won’t see you for a while, Aaron. I’ll try, but…”

He had to stop this. If Robert wasn’t grown up enough to do it, he had to for both of them. It was a silly schoolboy’s fantasy, having a secret love sneak in for a chat and a kiss and swoony passions. But they weren’t a fantasy. 

Fantasies didn’t hurt people. 

Fantasies didn’t get people killed. 

“Don’t bother,” Aaron rushed, choking on his tongue but finishing before he lost the nerve. “You know where I am. I know where you are. No promises. No dates. Not ‘til…”

No jokes or smart comebacks this time. That’s how Aaron knew Robert had heard him.

“If that’s what you want,” Robert said, hurt.

Aaron practically bit his tongue off to avoid saying,  _Only thing I ever wanted was you._

“Yeah. It’s what I want.”

Robert made a fast walk to the door, but before he did, he looked back, this time staring Aaron down.

“I know you love me, Aaron. I need you to say it. If I can’t have you…I need just this one thing.”

Aaron bit his lip, knowing he was boxed in, knowing he still loved Robert, knowing he always would. Knowing if he said it again, it would carve out the little of him that was left.

“I can’t, Robert. Not now.”

Robert’s eyes welled up again, like he was saying of course, no one ever really loved him anyway.

Aaron wanted to tell him he just couldn’t keep giving, not now, not anymore, but he knew every word just made it worse.

Finally, Robert smirked, or an attempt at a smirk, one of the saddest Aaron had ever seen.

“I’d settle for a happy birthday.”

Aaron turned away, focusing on his curtains, knowing he could only open them when Robert was gone..

“Happy birthday,” he said, clear even in the faintest of whispers.

When he turned back, he was alone.


End file.
